Debate questions for couples
Couples rarely fight about big things. They fight about the thermostat and the wet towel on the bed. These 14 debate questions cover the small stuff, with both sides, so you can have the argument on purpose for once.
Play freeDebate questions about living together
Every couple has a rule about the dishes. Nobody remembers agreeing to it.
Should the coldest person in the house control the thermostat?
- YEA COLD ONE WINS
Hot people can take a layer off, and cold people run out of layers.
- NAY GET A BLANKET
One sweater fixes it for them without cooking everyone else.
- YEA COLD ONE WINS
Is leaving a wet towel on the bed a crime?
- YEA CRIME
Someone has to sleep on that damp spot tonight.
- NAY NO BIG DEAL
It dries in an hour, which is faster than this argument.
- YEA CRIME
Should whoever cooks get out of doing the dishes?
- YEA COOK RESTS
They made the whole meal, so the least you can do is the cleanup.
- NAY COOK WASHES
The cook made the mess, and nobody needed six pans for pasta.
- YEA COOK RESTS
Is leaving a pan to soak overnight just avoiding the dishes?
- YEA AVOIDING IT
Nobody has ever woken up excited to finish that pan.
- NAY IT'S SOAKING
Burnt cheese comes off in ten seconds after a night in hot water.
- YEA AVOIDING IT
Should the toilet paper go over or under?
- OVER
The patent drawing shows over, so you're arguing with the inventor.
- UNDER
Cats and toddlers can't unroll it when the end hangs against the wall.
- OVER
Does whoever holds the remote pick the show?
- YEA REMOTE RULES
Someone has to decide, or you'll scroll for an hour and watch nothing.
- NAY GROUP VOTE
Everyone is on the couch, so everyone deserves a say.
- YEA REMOTE RULES
Debate questions about the relationship
These have a little more in them. Ask with a smile.
Should couples share their phone passcodes?
- YEA SHARE THEM
If you end up in the hospital, they can call your mom.
- NAY PRIVATE
Trusting someone means you don't need to check their phone.
- YEA SHARE THEM
Is watching ahead on a show you watch together a betrayal?
- YEA BETRAYAL
You now know who dies and you have to fake a gasp.
- NAY FAIR GAME
They fell asleep twice last week, so the deal was already off.
- YEA BETRAYAL
Is it OK to fart in front of your partner?
- YEA TOTALLY
If you plan to grow old together, this was always going to happen.
- NAY NEVER EVER
Once it happens, the romance never fully recovers.
- YEA TOTALLY
Should you stay friends with someone your partner can't stand?
- YEA STAY FRIENDS
Your partner doesn't have to like every friend you had first.
- NAY PARTNER WINS
You share a home with your partner, not with that friend.
- YEA STAY FRIENDS
Is it OK to vent about your partner to your parents?
- YEA VENT AWAY
Your parents know you best and will tell you if you're being silly.
- NAY KEEP IT IN
You'll forgive the dishes by Tuesday, and your mom never will.
- YEA VENT AWAY
If your partner calls off the engagement, do you keep the ring?
- YEA KEEP THE RING
It was a gift, and they're the one who walked away.
- NAY GIVE IT BACK
That ring came with a promise, and the promise is off.
- YEA KEEP THE RING
Back when you were dating
Safe to argue about now that it's settled. Mostly.
Should you split the check on a first date?
- YEA SPLIT IT
Nobody owes anybody anything, and that makes the second date easier.
- NAY ONE PAYS
Whoever doesn't pay tonight gets to pay for date two.
- YEA SPLIT IT
Is looking up a date online before you meet OK?
- YEA DUE DILIGENCE
You're meeting a stranger, so five minutes of checking is just smart.
- NAY CREEPY
You'll know their 2014 Halloween costume before their last name.
- YEA DUE DILIGENCE
Why the small stuff is the good stuff
Underneath the thermostat question is another one: whose comfort wins. And whether "get a blanket" counts as an answer. That's why small questions make good debates for couples. They're safe enough to laugh at and real enough that you both already have an answer.
They also show you how the other person thinks. Someone who says the cook shouldn't have to wash up has a theory of fairness. Someone who says the remote holder picks the show has a theory of power. You may have lived with these theories for years without hearing them said out loud.
How to argue without actually fighting
Pick a time when nothing is on fire. A debate about the dishes goes better when the sink is empty.
Argue the question, not the relationship. If the wet towel comes up, it's about wet towels in general, not about this morning. The moment someone says "you always," take a break and move to the next question.
Try swapping sides. Each of you makes the other person's case as well as you can. You'll learn more from hearing yourself argue for under than from another round of over.
Bring friends. These are better with an audience, and other couples will have rules you never thought to fight about. The questions about friends on the debate topics page work well on a double date, and the everyday moral dilemmas make a good second round.
Make it a game
The Lobbyist needs at least 3 phones, so it's a game for a double date or dinner with friends rather than a night in for two. Everyone picks a side in secret. One player is told to argue the side they didn't pick, and the rest have to work out who. Couples think they have an edge here, since you know exactly how your partner sounds when they mean it. It doesn't always help. Every question on this page is in Fuzzy Logic, the free deck. How to play.
Two 16+ decks, Hush Hush and It's Complicated, go further than Fuzzy Logic does. Each is $2.99, and only the host needs to own it. See the decks.
Questions people ask
- What are good debate questions for couples?
- Small, specific ones about daily life: the thermostat, the dishes, phone passcodes, who controls the remote. Everyone has an answer, and nobody has to sleep on the couch over it.
- Can two people play The Lobbyist?
- No. It needs 3 to 10 phones, because the game is about finding one liar among several people. Invite another couple.
- Are these good questions for a first date?
- The dating ones are, and they beat asking what someone does for work. Save the passcode question for later.
Keep reading
- Questions to argue aboutMoral dilemmasSmall, everyday dilemmas that start better fights than any trolley.
- Arguing and lyingCan your friends tell when you lie?How often real tables catch the liar, and what the lab says.
- Party gamesParty games for 3 peopleMost party games want four. These ones are fine with three.
Bring another couple
Fuzzy Logic is free and needs 3 phones or more. Loser does the dishes.
Play free